It seems that we humans, due to our ability to think about the future, have an unconscious need for permanence. We want to preserve everything for infinity. A moment of freedom, an hour of happiness, a day free from chaos, and a relationship lasting for a year is simply not enough. We must have everything we desire, and we must have it for all the time. Because the very thought of losing it in the future makes us insecure, and fear takes root. It is never enough to have anything, for we imagine a state in the future in which it is lost. But all things must change, for change is the only constant, this is a truth that every one of us knows, but no one accepts it. And since deep down, we know that all things must change, must end, fear of losing them seems rational. But of course it is the opposite of rational, because the end is unavoidable, permanence is a fantasy in the long run. Thus, there is this conflict between our desire and reality. And all psychological suffering seems to be the result of this fundamental conflict, between desire and reality.
There are only two ways to resolve this conflict. Either change (give up) our desire, or change the reality to fit the desire. There are two problems with the second solution. One, there are some desires, such as the desire for permanence that are impossible to turn into reality. Thus, life itself becomes a problem when we try to achieve permanence. Two, new desires keep coming. This is a truth that economists have known for a long time, but still try to solve the fundamental problem of unlimited needs and wants with limited resources. Yet, the implicit message of our culture, media, stories, and forefathers is to fight. Fight for what you want, and work hard. If you take effort to change reality into what you want, somehow that’s good, and that is the best way to approach life.
And so we fight, focusing all of our attention on that end goal, somewhere far into the future. That A grade in the math exam, that promotion to general manager, that new car, that romantic relationship, that ideal picture of a family. And we live the entirety of our lives as a struggle against reality. Even when we succeed, we want to preserve that success. When we have earned money, we want to earn more to preserve that lifestyle after retirement, when we have a meaningful romantic relationship, we want to preserve it by making our partner and ourselves take vows of marriage, and when we do well in the exam, we are under more pressure to maintain that good grade for the next exam. Thus, this continuity of desires is the fundamental problem, not just for economics, but for psychological well -being of all human beings as well. And under this undercurrent of desires is the main desire for permanence. The desire to preserve all that is desirable indefinitely.
This desire for permanence, upon closer inspection, seems like a ridiculous thing to wish for. It seems as ridiculous as trying to fly by flapping our arms like a bird. It is irrational to desire for something which is impossible. But if we don’t give up this desire for permanence, then there will always remain conflict between desire and reality. And we will keep running towards the horizon thinking that we might one day reach it.
But what about the second method to resolve this conflict? Is it possible to give up the desire for permanence? Is it possible to accept the reality of impermanence, and enjoying what comes our way while it lasts? And then, is it possible that through this acceptance and recognition of impermanent nature of all states, we might be able to be free from the undercurrent of desire itself? Through recognizing that everything ends or changes eventually, it is theoretically possible to accept what is, and even if it changes, it is possible to accept that as it is, instead of trying to change it to something else. And this very trying is desire itself. The first method is so obviously not working for any of us, but have we tried giving up desire for permanence instead of fighting what is? It certainly seems worth trying.
